ACS Soundbytes

2011-12-11T14:47:00.003-05:00

Nostalgia and Novelty.

The year was 1981. In January of that year, I had only recently turned four. That's when video games became a blip on my radar. By that point, there was Pac-Man and other noteworthy gaming franchises being born...

...including a goofy, pudgy man in red overalls who jumped over barrels. His name was obviously Mario. His brother Luigi showed up in a later arcade game in 1983, then the two of them rescued a princess from a spike-shelled ox-kappa demon hybrid in 1985; making gaming history.

I grew up with the Plumber. My oldest nephew was using an NES controller as a teething ring. That's how far back my history (and my money) goes with Nintendo and its stable of game companies.

That's the main reason I'm really annoyed with them sometimes: signing on to SOPA--given the glut of FREE ADVERTISING gamers have given them over the decades, they really ought to cut their fans some slack. (IP piracy sucks, but the media companies are trying to swat flies with sledgehammers. Government/corporate fiat over the Internet is not the answer.) That, and their NoA arm doesn't think that Last Story will sell. (I mean, it's only a brand-new RPG from the creator of Final Fantasy. It'll never sell...?)

Having said that, you know what irritates me even more? Nintendo detractors. Aside from the ones pointing out legitimate stupid dick moves Nintendo's made over the past three decades (Nintendo's a corporation; dick moves are inevitable...), they mostly gripe about being "sick of Mario, Zelda, and Kirby"; they want to see something new from Nintendo.

Never mind that if they've lost interest in Nintendo's output, they likely already have Sony and Microsoft products to amuse them; why do they grouse on games they don't even play anymore?

I understand that nostalgia junkies are a problem for the gaming medium, but so are novelty junkies: those who crave "new ideas" for novelty's sake--the hell with whether the new property is any good or worth a gamer's money.

Mario is overplayed, overhyped, and overdone. All true. The problem detractors of the good Mr. Jumpman have: 92% of his games are very, very good, and well-executed. The other 8% are third-party horseshit with a Mario license, like Mario's Early Years.

You ask "What about Mario is Missing?", dear reader? Ah. The SNES version has a decent soundtrack, uses actual SMW sprites, and stars Luigi. The only problem with MiM is that the enemies are no threat to Luigi--that was annoying.

Brand-name recognition means something, especially when the product actually is high-quality.

2011-11-08T14:32:00.003-05:00

MovieBob's questions to Science.

The good Mr. Chipman of Boston, MA posits questions (amid his usual snark) to the scientific community.

First, the jetpack: no. Just no. It looks cool, but the average person (such as MovieBob and myself) isn't the Rocketeer, and will likely go up in flames. I advocated the Jetsons-style flying car on his site, and here's why:

We have the means to protect human life in the event of an ordinary car collision, so it's a simple matter of scaling that to account for midair accidents.
The automotive industry has the infrastructure to manufacture said Jetson cars. Again, apply existing knowledge to the flying models--and make them fuel-efficient hybrids.
We'd no longer need airplanes or cruise ships to visit foreign continents, only passports. Vacation traveling and international work commutes all become cheaper. Moving to another country.
Air pollution would be reduced (with the removal of planes and terrestrial cars).

The industries involved would have to account for various birds' migration patterns, but that's doable (and wise).

The "cultured meat" business would solve a few problems, but would create others, such as the extinction of all domesticated farm animals. (Except for pigs and horses--who are smart and adaptable: they have gone feral, after all.)

As far as the space program, it's less "John Q. Douchenozzle" demanding an ROI, and more "Suzanne Greenpeace" and "Bobby World-Hunger" not seeing the point of spending money and resources on sending rockets to other planets when we have problems "here at home/on Earth".

In truth, the bulk of humanity and the environment's problems stem from the fact that we've simply outgrown the planet.

Sylvia Engdahl, a science fiction author, is convinced that this is the case:

I realize that what I’ve been saying here doesn’t sound like my usual optimism. But the reason it doesn’t, I think, is that most people don’t understand what’s meant by “space humanization.” Some of you are probably thinking that space travel isn’t going to be a big help with these problems, as indeed, the form of it shown in today’s mythology would not. Almost certainly, you’re thinking that it won’t solve the other problems of Earth, and I fear you may be thinking that the other problems should be solved first.
One big reason why they should not is the “narrow window” concept. The other is that they could not. I have explained why I believe the problem of war can’t be solved without expansion. The problem of hunger is, or ultimately will be, the direct result of our planet’s limited resources; though it could be solved for the near-term by political reforms, we are not likely to see such reforms while nations are playing a “ zero-sum game” with what resources Earth still has. Widespread poverty, when not politically based, is caused by insufficient access to high technology and by the fact that there aren’t enough resources to go around (if you doubt this, compare the amount of poverty here with the amount in the Third World, and the amount on the Western frontier with the amount in our modern cities). Non-contagious disease, such as cancer, is at least partially the result of stress; and while expansion won’t eliminate stress, overcrowding certainly increases it. The problem of atmospheric pollution is the result of trying to contain the industry necessary to maintain our technology within the biosphere instead of moving it into orbit where it belongs.
In short, all the worldwide problems we want to solve, and feel we should have solved, are related to the fact that we’ve outgrown the ecological niche we presently occupy. I view them not as pathologies, but as natural indicators of our evolutionary stage. I would like to believe that they’ll prove spurs to expansion. If they don’t, we’ll be one of evolution’s failures.

Note: I am not Sylvia Engdahl; I don't live in Oregon with two cats. :)

Think about it: even if only one billion people leave Mother Earth for the Final Frontier, the pressure will be off said Earth. That number is: if the peoples of Japan, South Korea, the US (which includes me), and most of Europe left to populate the rest of the solar system--if not cruising on a starship to stars unknown.

We have the technology to build orbital space habitats, and to make it livable for out-of-shape people (who probably still need to get in shape, but the lack of gravity can only help).

Unlike Mrs. Engdahl, I would be happy if I could live on a planet or moon: I want seasons to pass, and proper day and night cycles. Still, her idea has merit.

In any event, we need to go into space before some mook invents the holodeck:

In a future where space travel is mundane, the holodeck would provide a nifty diversion from the everyday grind. In the 21st Century (that is, now), all human progress would grind to a screeching halt.

Summary: Space "humanization" and flying cars are needed before the holodeck.

Thank you, scientific community. That is all.

~ acsound

2011-09-29T11:24:00.004-04:00

Entertainment for the Sexes.

Here's the problem, as I see it.

Boys get all the cool stuff: cars, jets, tanks, trains, robots; robots that transform into cars, jets, tanks, and trains. They also get to have fantasies about doing awesome and exciting stuff: traveling on adventures, rescuing princesses, saving the world, fighting enemies, flying through outer space.

Girls get...work.

Most toys "for girls" center around doing some form of work--much of it domestic.

Tea party sets? Work. Barbies? You get to style her hair and lay out what fashionable clothing she'll wear for...work. (This would be the case even if Mattel did make a "realistic woman" Barbie--which would sell, by the way.)

Baby dolls. WORK. Especially if the dolls actually poop, pee, and cry.

My Little Pony. Ooh, girls get to...style their hair. That's work!

How about girls' kitchen playsets? Housework. Easy Bake ovens? More fucking work.

"Girls seem to mature faster than boys." Gee, I wonder why?

Maybe it's because while six-year old boys got to experience sports cars that changed into giant robots from outer space, six-year old girls were at home hosting tea parties, changing their toy daughters' diapers, and getting their boss Barbie ready for her high-powered hostile takeover meeting with Jerrica Benton.

Oh, for house-fried rice! Men: don't you care complain about your daughter wanting to play with your son's Transformers.

Girls just wanna have fun.

I feel better now.

2011-06-30T19:53:00.010-04:00

They wasted a perfectly good movie...across three movies.

I'd have to say the overarching problem with the Bay film trilogy is wasted potential. If only Bay had looked at "More Than Meets the Eye", Part One--the first damned episode of G1--for at least two minutes, then the nit would have realized that you didn't need to have 45 minutes of human stupidity to pad out his movie.

Behold:

Just watch the first two minutes, from 0:32 - 2:32. A little bit of backstory from the narrator, then...

Transforming robots fighting and escaping other transforming robots! Complete with explosions!

When do we see any Earth humans in MTMtE? Please note below:

At this point in the story the Transformers have been on planet Earth for 4 million years; both sides are scouting each other out. We have no contact with humans at all until 8:00 (8 minutes) into the clip; that contact lasts until 8:25 - 8:27--all of 27 seconds.

And we don't meet the human heroes of the story--in this iteration, Spike and Sparkplug Witwicky--until 1:08 into this clip:

(Note here that the "Sam" of this version already has a job.)

My point is not to say that G1 Transformers is epic storytelling. Taking off the fun Nostalgia Goggles and putting on the sophisticated Grownup Monocle, this series is just as cheesy and full of plot holes as Bay's movies. In G1's defense, though, I must state that it called itself The Transformers, and gave its audience (eight-year old cereal and syrup-sandwich eating boys (and girls))...

the Transformers. More than any of the Bay films combined.

It seems to me that if you were to edit out all the unneeded padding with various humans in Bay's trilogy: Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen, and the newly-released film Dark of the Moon; and restrict human-TF interaction to Sam, his love interest, and maybe those military dudes....

We'd have one good Transformers film by Michael Bay--instead of three bad ones.

Granted, it would still be a stupid Transformers movie--especially with these two in it:

But it's the humans that drag the films down further, across all three movies.

"Wait a minute," you, my dear reader, say. "You didn't watch any of these movies!"

I saw this:

And this:

After that, I didn't need to continue writhing in pain.

The above hulks of third-rate modern art sculpture posing for Michael Bay's camera are supposed to be Optimus Prime and Starscream. You know, two of the most iconic robots in the whole franchise, representing each faction.

The first one is forgiveable: That blue thing with flame decals could be Optimus--after a trash compactor had its way with him.

There's no excuse for Starscream, however. None. Not a single one.

I'm not even saying this as a Transformers fan. No. I'm saying this as a character designer: these robots look god-awful, and they animate like shit. (No, I will not post a clip!) They're too "busy", as it were--there's more detail on Ops and Screamer than necessary. Even with the power of Autodesk Maya on Bay's side, the robots will still have lots of twitching motors and gizmos, and movie viewers won't be able to tell who's fighting who.

There. That's my unsubstantiated, yet informed, opinion of all three Transformers movies by Michael Bay. I'm in the minority, but it's my blog, and I can cry if I want to.

~ acsound

2010-11-10T11:22:00.003-05:00

I plan to post regularly, hopefully with a weekly podcast bit. As soon as I get my digital recorder, readers will hear my voice for the first time.

Oh, and I reopened my gestalt poll.

2009-11-14T10:39:00.005-05:00

It's been well over a year since I last posted--I've been busy. :)

Anyhoo:

Owning a Gamer's Soul Calibur FOREVER.

How can Nintendo--the savior of the gaming industry and best videogame company, nulli secundus--to own the souls of gamers for all time?

Thanks to Brawl and the Virtual Console on the Wii, Nintendo's off to a good start: though hampered by the budget 3rd party software (shovelware!), the good 3rd party games and Nintendo's franchises have put Nintendo back on top.

Still, it wouldn't hurt for the House of Mario to win back the MMORPG fans at least.

Feel free to steal this game idea: MarioOnline (name still in progress).

Essentially, it's World of Warcraft with Marioverse characters--and I mean every single character and class from the Marioverse. You could either be one of the many characters in Mario's game world--regular Mario, Paper, Party, sports games, or SMRPG--or you could create a character. Square could be involved for RPG, bringing back Geno and Mallow; alternately, Intelligent Systems could handle the battle system.

Improve the online connection so that gamers outside the Nintendo loop can join in--release versions for the PC (and Mac), X-Box and Playstation.

The game for all three systems would cost the same as a standard stand-alone high-end 1st party title, and this would include the cost of a subscription (access to the server). I'd price it at about $60; the game would have online, single player, and standard 4-player multiplayer modes.

If we really wanted to expand this past the Marioverse, add in other Nintendo characters from other gameworlds and call it Smash Bros. Online. Again, release versions to the other two systems, and Master Chief and Kratos could duke it out with Giga Bowser--finally! The Captain N reunion(likely minus the title character, the teen princess, the dog, and the Game Boy) would be possible as Simon Belmont and Rock could harass Pit. Yes! (Although you could act as "Kevin" with the chara creation feature.)

Note that I'm suggesting all of this for the inevitable "next system" that Nintendo releases, versus the Wii.

A good sendoff for the Wii would be based on a fanfic idea of mine. Marioverse meets Ico/Shadow of the Colossus.

The idea sprung from a silly YouTube comment about Bowser being "too easy" (you endure Bowser's vicious levels, then hand the dragon-turtle his scaly ass in a minute). In the final SM Galaxy boss bout, Mario fights Bowser thrice; the third time with this epic orchestral/techno music in the background. At the end, Bowser falls into the sun; the YouTube poster in question wanted Bowser's fall into the sun to lead into the true final battle:

Yes: When Bowser starts to fall into the dol-gurned sun, with everything melting around him, he--rather than being defeated by the Brothers Mario(Luigi in the vid above)--merges into a massive super-boss for the final battle.

My idea, then was for a Koopa Emperor to emerge, the ruler of his kingdom and lord over eight Koopa kings and queens (including Bowser himself).

The game is that Bowser wants to overthrow this Emperor and the other Koopa sovereigns, so that he will be the Emperor, his eight kids to rule over the eight kingdoms (his favorite, BJ (Bowser Jr.) rules Dark Land, his home kingdom), and--with the united might of the Koopa Empire--take over the Mushroom World, including the kingdoms of SMB3, Yoshi's Island, Sarasland, and whatever else strikes his fancy.

The emperor, in fact, seems pretty weak: he's stuck alone in his palace, his only company a statue similar to the Statue form of the Tanooki suit power-up. The emperor's about Ludwig von Koopa's size, in appearance more like a older Kamek than anything fearsome like Bowser and the other Koopa rulers.

Bowser's plan: defeat the other seven kings, who are too busy jockeying for control of each other's kingdoms and who fear Bowser himself as a loose cannon (what with his repeated attempts to conquer outside kingdoms and the whole damned GALAXY...), then-- with his children as rulers of their own kingdoms--seize the Imperial Koopa throne. All Bowser has to do is remove the current emperor from the Imperial Palace and he's gold.

Method: The Mario Brothers are always an obstacle to his devious plans--but this gives Bowser an idea! As Mario and Luigi tend to be gullible saps at times, if he convinces Peach that the other seven Koopa kingdoms are plotting to invade the Mushroom Kingdom--something that (the Brothers and Peach would reason) Bowser would never want to happen, to keep Peach to himself if nothing else--then Peach would send Mario and Luigi with the seven Koopalings to defeat these other Koopa kings and queens.

After the player (either Mario or Luigi) defeats each kingdom (each w/about eight levels), there's a cutscene where each Koopa ruler confronts a Koopaling, youngest to eldest (SMB 3 order). (Again, BJ stays in Dark Land, so he won't feature much in the game.) The Koopalings interact differently with each plumber; they're friendlier with Luigi, with the exception of Roy, as he's a real asshole (much like The Sky in SMB3--there's one fortress that's damned impossible, and thankfully, can be skipped).

Larry Takeover: Larry zaps the deposed king with a magic wand, turns him into an game arcade token, then pops the token into an arcade game; the Koopaling sends the deposed king to Minus World.

Morton Jr. Takeover: Morty meets the young queen, a shy and sweet girl (for a Koopa--she's a nicer version of Wendy); he marries her and they rule together. Heartwarming.

Wendy Takeover: Wendy confronts...her and her seven brothers' mother (Bowser's wife in an arranged marriage, annulled the moment she laid the eggs), who had abandoned them as eggs to Daddy long ago. (BJ hatched late.) The Koopa queen offers Wendy a post as princess, but Wendy declines, trapping Mommy in a picture locket. Wendy invites Luigi (if the player chooses Luigi for the level) to rule at her side, but he declines and flees to the next level, frightened of the Koopa mother-daughter reunion.

Iggy Takeover: Iggy transforms the deposed king into a Yoshi egg.

Roy Takeover: Another marriage one. Roy demands to be the king, as he defeated the newly-deposed king. This king refuses to be conquered by one of Bowser's hellspawn--but is done in by his own spawn: the king's daughter, a tough-as-nails girl version of Roy. They marry and rule together. Aww, how cute....

Lemmy Takeover: Lemmy turns the castle into an action playset, with the king as an action figure. The player's plumber opts to leave, though if that plumber is Luigi, Lemmy invites him to play.

Ludwig Takeover: Ludwig transforms the queen into a pipe organ, then invites the player to hear a private concert. The plumber(either Mario or Luigi) declines, opting to meet Peach and his brother(either Mario or Luigi) at the Imperial Palace.

After the player beats these seven kingdoms, the heroes and Peach enter the Palace. Inside the throne room, they note the sleeping emperor and the Statue. Mario and Luigi make funny faces at the Statue.

The Statue laughs, shakes, and then...

...Bowser appears, with an arrogant grin on his face. He's tricked the heroes into doing all the dirty work for him! All he has to do is defeat the emperor, and he rules the Koopa Empire.

At this point in the game, the player--as Peach--makes a decision, posed by Bowser:

A. "Just try and stop me now, Mario and...Green Guy! From this point forward, I am the Emperor. You might beat me, but then you'll have to fight the whole Koopa Empire--under the command of all eight of my darling children."

B. "So, Peach, you have a choice to make: Join me at my side."

C. "Refuse me, and we go back to our old routine. A shame, really, Peach: we made a great team."

D. "Refuse me, and we go back to our old routine. A shame, really, Peach: we made a great team."

Player chooses A: Mario and Luigi fight and defeat Bowser, then invade the kingdoms again to remove the Koopaling usurpers from the original Koopa monarchs' thrones. If this game is won, then the Koopalings head home to Dark Land empty-handed.

But all is not well that ends well: the restored Koopa rulers want revenge on the Mushroom Kingdom--so the seven kingdoms unite and take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Bad ending.

Player chooses B: Peach reluctantly agrees to marry Bowser. Bad ending.

Player chooses C: Peach vows to restore the original rulers to power. She and the Mario Brothers return to Peach's castle; Mario and Luigi later invade the kingdoms again to remove the Koopaling usurpers from the original Koopa monarchs' thrones. If this game is won, then the Koopalings head home to Dark Land empty-handed.

But all is not well that ends well: the restored Koopa rulers want revenge on the Mushroom Kingdom--so the seven kingdoms unite and take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Bad ending.

Player chooses D: Peach opts for a tactical retreat, they turn to leave the throne room when they notice a old silver-mustachioed gentleman in a Tanooki suit. They help him to his feet, then the four humans leave the Palace.

Then the following happens:

Bowser picks up the emperor and carries the old Koopa sovereign out of the Palace. The emperor cackles, happy that Bowser "liberated" him.

Outside the palace, the old man, taking off the Tanooki suit, introduces himself as Salvatore. He notes Bowser and the emperor outside and trembles, dropping to his knees in despair. "You two..." Salvatore hisses, pointing at the Mario Brothers, "you broke my concentration. Now he is free...." Salvatore reveals that he had left behind his family: his son Giuseppe, his daughter-in-law Fiona, and his two infant grandsons...Mario and Luigi! This startles the Brothers.

Peach asks if Bowser would be able to take advantage of the old emperor; Salvatore laughs at the thought. Bowser and the Koopa Empire is not the big concern; rather, it's the Koopa emperor that should be worried about.

As if to underscore Salvatore's point, the Koopa emperor uses the Koopa equivalent of FORCE LIGHTNING to subdue Bowser; the would-be ersatz emperor of all Koopas is flung to where the humans stand. Bowser struggles to his feet, facing three annoyed plumbers and a pouting, icily-angry princess. "What do you want me to do?" he mutters.

The five confront the Koopa emperor, who reveals his true power--growing to massive size as a colossus!

This is where the final four-stage level begins: the Mario Brothers, Salvatore, Peach, and Bowser have to defeat the Koopa emperor together.

Let me know what you think.

~ acsound

2008-07-29T20:05:00.003-04:00

Honestly. I've got to update the main blog more often.

I think I'll call this one...

CHALLENGE OF THE FANFICS. (cue Challenge of the Gobots theme--the easiest theme song in the English language.)

What I'd like to see--and what I'm hoping to write in my spare time--is the ultimate Transformers/Gobots crossover fan comic.

One where:

The Gobots don't all die cheap deaths.
The Puzzler finally gets a decent back story.
The Gobots aren't wishing that they were Transformers.

Here's why.

The Gobots characters(the few lucky ones that appeared regularly) are pretty strong ones; at the very least, you won't forget the likes of Crasher, Scooter or Cy-Kill any time soon.

And as literal and groan-inducing as their Hanna-Barbera names were, their JPN names were even worse. If anything, CotG should get kudos for keeping Scooter and Zero's names intact. (MR-16: Scooter Robo; MR-39: Zero Robo) I mean come on: Fire Truck Robo (Pumper)?

Also, their show didn't have Denny O'Neil naming their series' heroic leader.

But enough ranting about how the actual HB show wasn't worse than most 1980s SatAM TV. Heck, I had fond memories of the Power Suits. Many days of my youth were spent with my older brother going WUH-TA-TA-TA-TA! with Turbo and Leader-1 in our tiny kid hands and me stomping my foot with a resounding BZZZT-BOOM.

Come to think of it, Lelouch owes Cy-Kill a great deal: he had Geass powers before Geass was cool. (no, don't remind me that Cy-kill's toy mold, MR-01: Bike Robo, is owned by BANDAI.)

No; this is ultimately about plans for my Transformers epic, a fan comic love letter to the shows I've enjoyed over the years.

I anticipate the following:

That Jem will be truly, truly, truly outrageous.
That we'll finally see the problems in inter-faction love affairs.
That we'll see the Gobot Cafeteria that was never before seen on TV.
That we'll find out why the Puzzler roars in a universe of chatty gestalts.
That we'll see if relationships hinted at by "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide" could actually work.
That Scooter will finally be seen as the cool nerd he really is. And no one will call him "Scoot".
That the reason for Cy-Kill's wall-banging incompetence will be revealed.

Expect cameos, allusions and references to Robotech, Tenchi Muyo, Ghost in the Shell, Animaniacs. Expect a melding between Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Spider-Man: TAS and X-Men: TAS. Expect Wolverine to share a stogie with Duke. Expect Cy-Kill to sing "What's Up, People!?" in Japanese.

And be prepared for any story I can think of. I just hope my art holds up.

Let me know what you think of the "Rumble" fembot: a preview, if you will.

2007-12-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

A double shot with Laserbeak, after a three-year hiatus.

This half involves writing and...the Fandom.

How does a writer like me approach characters, especially when writing fan fiction?

Some will say things like: avoid self-inserts, use active voice--in short, they will sound like English schoolteachers. This is good. No one wants to read terrible fanfic that requires eye bleach to cleanse the soul.

But after over eleven years observing various fandoms, I've noticed as a reader that the bad still outnumbers the good.(As a writer: I knowingly(after the fact) inflicted at least two bad fics onto the Internet, and I'm sorry.)

Nonetheless, these experiments have allowed me to note a shortcut. I call this technique:

A BOX OF CRAYONS.

Give a kid, an ordinary kid of eight or nine a 64-count box of crayons and a stack of paper. In an hour, that kid will have crafted multiple narratives that make sense to her alone.

But let's have less crayons. An 8-count box of Crayola wax sticks instead.

= = = = =

Let's forward to high school somewhere. If someone's interested in art....

Oh, never mind. Let me try another tack.

= = = = =

The Fandom.

A working definition for this blog post's purposes: a grand old mythos involving fan fiction, art, discussions, conventions or simple "remember when..." moments involving a work of fiction that ended years or decades prior.

I'm a low-level member of the oldest Fandom known to Americans: the Star Trek fandom. I came in through Star Trek: The Next Generation, and have watched every movie involving that series' characters except Insurrection.

Another Fandom I'm a small part of: the DCAU. You can search Wikipedia, but if you're a DCAU fan, I don't have to say anything else.

Between these two Fandoms is the most cherished of all my Fandoms: the TransFandom(the Transformers Fandom).

For most fans, that'd mean Transformers, the various comics and cartoons of the grand universe. For me, that means both planets of sentient transforming alien robots, no matter how lousy their show was. :D

In my mind, if you see Challenge of the Gobots as a seperate conflict within the main Transformers universe, then it doesn't matter if Hanna-Barbera botched the job of "reporting" it.

When I refer to these respective shows, I'm talking about the original series that ended around 1986 with their respective movies. For Transformers, that'd be Generation One; for the Gobots...they didn't get a Generation Two.

And now to tie in the CRAYON bit. Both of the narratives are pretty simple, and the characters on these two series are pretty simple. It's your basic good versus evil scenario, with the reps of each side being...people-who-happen-to-be-robots. Robots that transform into numerous vehicles, robotic animals, electronic devices and weapons. The idea behind such a story is that the robots themselves are the stars of this play, the agents, the free actors.

You have your bland(Leader One)/hammy(Optimus Prime) hero, and your delusional(Megatron)/melodramatic(Cy-Kill) villain*. The hero and the villain each has a team.

[* More on this later.]

They fight. And the hero wins. The end; lather, rinse and OBEY!(er, repeat....)

With that simple box of crayons in hand, what do you come up with?

2004-08-08T21:09:00.000-04:00

Xing has issues.

What is FF.Net’s problem? If I did something wrong, I definitely won’t do it again....

But this apparently was what got my entire first story arc of Mythos/DENSETSU rejected by the bot. [I’m convinced the rejection was automated; either that, or FF.Net’s editors never read past the first section of my story, which I admit was a script that did mention an actor’s name--ONCE.]

But I’ll just post that whole page here, so that readers can see what I wrote--which caused the bot (editor) to reject my twenty-six part story.

[this will appear on the blog minus the formatting.]

I want you to compare the piece below to FF.Net's guidelines to see wherein I've violated. My only guesses: Eric Stuart and the whole "script" format of this part of the story. One part of a twenty-six part story....

* * * * * * * * *

Foreword

This saga is the second piece to use my Narnia Format, and this time I’ve taken the suggestion(from Seibutsu Shan-no reviews)of shorter chapters to heart. Hence, as you read the first full story(see below), you’ll notice the large number of chapters.

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

MYTHOS/Densetsu features two prologues: a fun one teasing Pegasus J., Keith Howie the Bandito, and Kaiba Gozaburo the Slightly Dead; and the other, serious one: a series of short vignettes that hint at several stories waiting to be told. The first prologue, a stand-alone, does have...oh, read it!

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

An Iliad, an Odyssey, or the Tale of a Shogun Wanna-be? is set in the year 1991, a year before Yu Yu Hakusho, nine years before the events in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters, and thirteen years from the present. I hope you find the scenario intriguing and fun. (though the idea of Jounouchi and Honda as ninja is inherently fun.)

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

MYTHOS/densetsu - Prolog One. Before We Begin, The Last Man on Earth Contest.

Hi. I’m Koto. In the 1990s I was the announcer for the Ankoku Bujukitsai, and now I’m hosting this tripe. [cheesy, crap-eating grin]

Courtesy of a grant from the Kaiba Corporation, Industrial Illusions, and...Mrs. Howard’s Visa Card, I present to you:

The LAST MAN ON EARTH! [G-Gundam’s “Ride the Sky” plays.]

= = =

YGO{KoG} Narrator(YGON): Long ago, when the pyramids were still....

Eric Stuart (Director): Wrong lines, you fool!

(7563 note: He played Seto and Peggy on YGO:KoG. If he
was a reason to reject my entire story...then I do
apologize.)

YGON: ...sorry. [clears throat] These are three of the most despicable adult bachelors in the world of Anime. [screen displays Keith Howard, Kaiba Gozaburo, and Pegasus Crawford with confused and annoyed looks on their faces.] But a rare and terrible virus has turned all other men...into young women. Making THEM the Chosen Ones, the only eligible bachelors alive....

Manga Fan: Didn’t they all die in the comic?

YGON: I said “...in the world of ANIME.”

Manga Fan: Pshaw. It’s the cartoon.... [leaves]

= = =

Anzu: So, the virus only affected men?

Jounouchi: Almost like that virus on Justice League. Please don’t stick me with Keith!

Mokuba: I’ll take Keith—-he didn’t do anything to hurt Seto or myself.

Keith: If I may have some say in this--*

YGON: No real say, but go on.

Keith: I have no interest in children.

Pegasus: Gozaburo shouldn’t be here. Even the anime has him dead.

Gozaburo: I am Goza the Mighty. I can do anything.

Seto: Including steal dialogue from American cartoons.

Koto: If we can actually get things started....

= = =

Koto: Our first contestant is an old Yu Yu Hakusho favorite, Kuwabara Kazuma. [a feminine Kuwa walks onstage] How do you feel?

Kuwabara: Shouldn’t we focus on finding a cure!?

Koto: ...not according to the producer. [grin]

Kuwabara: But...I’m still in love with Yukina-san.... [blush]

Hiei(offstage): Just what a koorime needs—-more yuri.

Kurama(offstage): Now that you’re female, perhaps you can tell Yukina about your secret.

Hiei: And perhaps you can change your name to Denise, like the Filipinos always wanted.

Koto: Let’s just pick a bachelor, okay?

Kuwabara: These men are total strangers! That’d just be wrong.

Koto: This is like a dating game. Just ask a few questions to get to know them a little better.

Kuwabara: Okay. [reads card] Keith, how would you romance a young lady?

Keith: I figure we’d hang out, have a few bottles of sake, then head back to my place.

Kuwabara: WHAT!? You’re going to get me drunk?

Keith: No, myself. You don’t make a pretty girl.

Kuwabara: [tense] I’m not allowed to kill the bachelor, am I?

Koto: Nope.

Kuwabara: You seem to be the weakest link. Next! [to Gozaburo] Old man, how would you romance a lovely lady?

Gozaburo: After teaching you a bit of respect for your elders, we would sit down for a nice game of chess.

Kuwabara: Does your teaching skills reflect your reputation as a parent?

Gozaburo: [glares] ...it depends on whom I’m parenting.

Kuwabara: I think I’d rather date Byakko. [to Pegasus] What would you do?

Pegasus: Simple. What I had planned to do for my late wife.

Kuwabara: You were married...? [Pegasus nods.] ...I’m sorry.

Gozaburo: What about a little sympathy for me!? Noa didn’t exactly come out of thin air!

Mokuba: I was thinking you cloned him using your DNA.

Gozaburo: When I was born, they broke the mold.

Seto: And Heaven rejoiced at the knowledge that there could be only one of Kaiba Gozaburo.

Gozaburo: [glares at Seto] ...no jury on earth would have convicted me....

Kuwabara: Pegasus...?

Pegasus: A morning picnic, with a tasteful glass of red wine. After which, I would be inspired to paint. I would have you pose nude....

Kuwabara: [blush] ...is it too late for me to be Yukina-san’s forbidden lover?

Yusuke: Pick a man, Kuwabara!

Kuwabara: Urameshi! Don’t rush me. This isn’t exactly the best selection.... [to the bachelors] What would each of you say is your best selling point?

Keith: I’m under thirty, experienced. I play Duel Monsters. And I’m an American.

Gozaburo: I’m experienced, intelligent, wealthy, and resourceful--*

Seto: You can cut out the “wealthy” part. I own Kaiba Corporation now, remember?

Gozaburo: You own fifty-one percent. And that can easily change.... [looks towards Mokuba]

Seto: Stay away from my sister!

Pegasus: I’m fun, exciting-—never a dull moment with me. I created Duel Monsters, which has made me wealthier than most kings. I’m also an American.

Koto: Kuwabara, what’s your choice?

Kuwabara: Gozaburo’s probably a lot nicer than he lets on, but the child abuse rumors are too much. And Keith seems more like a guy I would hang out with as a friend than a soul mate. I’d have to go with Pegasus...unless I can marry Yukina-san instead?

Keith and Gozaburo: MARRIAGE?

Kuwabara: Yeah! I’m not a cheap one-night lay, you know!

Keith: Kuwa, baby; there’s three of us and over six billion of you. You have to share until the population ratio levels off.

Hiei: ...good thing I can impregnate myself now....

Koto: Anyway...that’s a vote for Pegasus!

= = =

Koto: As it stands now, we have two votes for Keith, ten for Pegasus, and Gozaburo is in the lead with eighty.

Keith: This is rigged. No way did he get all the Sailor Senshi.

Pegasus: At least you got Yamazaki Sakura from Blue Seed.

Gozaburo: Actually, I only have three of the Senshi. Mizuno’s still taking a test, and Tsukino chose Crawford.

Usagi: He has my Mamo-chan...Mamo-ko...I hate this scenario...!

Koto: Wait...here comes our next contestant, Mizuno Ami!

= = =

Koto: Okay, Ami; ask a question.

Ami: What is the meaning of life?

Koto: ...

Keith: Sex.

Pegasus: Funny Rabbit.

Gozaburo: Marry me, you pretty fool.

Ami: ...I’ll become a nun.

Koto: Sorry. Religious celibacy has been temporarily outlawed due to the population crisis.

Ami: Meaning...?

Koto: It’s one of them, one of them, or...one of them.

Gozaburo: You know you want me.

Ami: I’ve never met you—-any of you.

Keith: Choose me. I’ve only got Yamazaki and...Ghost. Besides, in addition to Duel Monsters, I can play a mean game of chess....

Ami: [eyes glisten] ...chess?

Pegasus: I...I can play checkers and mah-jongg!

Gozaburo: Aside from business, my best skill is chess.

Keith: Please, old man. A twelve-year old beat him!

Gozaburo: This from a man who had a nervous breakdown because he was beaten by a child at Duel Monsters.

Keith: [reveals gun]...I’ll just eliminate the competition right now—-starting with you!

Ami: It’s illegal to own firearms in Japan. Gozaburo wins by default.

Keith: W-what...?

Pegasus: You just lost.

Keith: NO! [curses]

Gozaburo: [to Ami] Trust me, my dear, you’ve made a wise choice.

= = =

Tenchi: Washu, have you found a cure yet?

Washu: Actually, there’s nothing to cure.

Ryoko and Ayeka: WHAT!?

Mihoshi: I don’t understand....

Kiyone: For once, neither do I.

Ryoko: Will you at least tell me why I’m married to a louse like Gozaburo, instead of my Tenchi?

Ayeka: Because Lord—-[clears throat] Lady Tenchi chose to marry him—-and she is MINE!

Washu: The explanation is quite simple....

Koto: Ladies, I really have to wrap this up....

= = =

Koto: For the final round, our panel of judges is helmed by the three most beautiful girls in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters....

Seto: The three ONLY women on our show who are legal in 2004....

Koto: ...and they’ve decided on a kissing contest! Gozaburo is currently still in the lead with 500 women, Keith has moved into second with 300, and Pegasus has the final 200 ladies. [shows scorecard] However, harem numbers only constitute one half of the overall score, so it’s still any bachelor’s game!

Mai: What did we decide to do again?

Anzu: We each have to kiss all three of them, then compare notes.

Mai: Must we?

Isis: My sister Malik won’t like this....

Koto: The judges have decided on ascending romaji order. [Anzu gulps]

:: Anzu, Isis, and Mai in turn each kiss Gozaburo first. Then Keith. Then Pegasus. ::

Koto: ...and now the judges confer....

Mai: Gozaburo showed surprising skill, and Keith wasn’t half bad—-but Pegasus! You were incredible with me. [raises four of hearts]

Anzu: Not with me. He was okay. Keith, you’re quite skilled. [raises five of hearts] Gozaburo has potential, but he’s too aggressive.

Isis: I thought Keith was a bit too rough—-perhaps if he shaved. Gozaburo was far too physical, possibly because he hasn’t touched a woman since his son was born. Pegasus, though you’ve suffered a similar loss, you don’t seem quite so desperate. I enjoyed kissing you. [raises four of hearts]

Koto: After tallying the scores...it seems that Pegasus has won in a major upset! 1000-point total. Keith comes in a strong second with an 800-point total, while Gozaburo rounds us off with the 500 points he had at the start of the round. [to Pegasus] What do you have to say, big winner?

Pegasus: It’s like that old nursery rhyme: you have a wife, but you can’t keep her without the romance.

Washu: CUT!

Director: I’M supposed to say that....

Washu: I just want a word with the producer. Who we know is...Author 7563! Come on out....

7563: Drat and doubledrat. I was just trying to have some fun before the real prologue.

Gozaburo: REAL prologue? You mean I don’t have a harem of five hundred women?

7563: If you did, none of them would be Seto....

Big 05: When do I figure into this?

7563: When you tell me what your function was in the Kaiba Corporation.

Big 05: ...I’ll get back to you on that. [crap-eating smile]

Big 01-04: [to Gozaburo and Seto] We told you BOTH he did nothing for the company! Nothing!

Noa: Didn’t I delete all five of you?

Washu: The answer to that lies in the real fanfic 7563’s cooking up.

7563: [mimics Nyasu/Meowth] “Nya-ba nya!”

:: end prolog 1 ::

* * * * * * * * *

Strangely, I’m half-glad; now I can convert this piece to HTML format to preserve some of my formatting. If the above did, however, violate FF.Net’s TOS, then I’ll gladly remove this piece; it’s just a funny stand-alone I wrote in part to clear my thoughts, and in part to clue in readers--in a joking way--to plot points of the story.

I didn’t collaborate on this or any other segments of this story arc, nor did I request collaboration via the review area of the site. Just reviews(and every writer on the site trolls for reviews--FF.Net would cease to exist if that was against the TOS).

While I could rewrite this first part of the piece into the standard “prose” format, that’d be too much effort expended given the nature of the piece. I’m just angry that parts 2-26 got chucked out, and my upload privileges suspended, for this one rather silly chapter.

I do wonder if I should just find another site to post fanfic on, or revamp my own site -

http://starflower.tripod.com - that I can format my fics however I wish.

I understand the reasons for the anti-MST/CYOA/chat/script/real actor inserts, and again, if this was really in violation, I didn’t realize it. But I’ll just suck it up and move on.

Mythos/DENSETSU will return. And with better formatting. I just hope it’ll be with FF.Net--until this, I’ve had a great time with them.

(c’mon, Xing--I think I removed Citrus Excursions on my own when the anti-NC17 ruling came out. And I can’t blame you for that--the Blue’s Clues lemons were just too much....)

Figures my newest story would get rejected. :p

2004-08-08T21:06:00.000-04:00

Ah, romance. Love is a battlefield.

Romance has mystified far better and more experienced writers than myself, the common fanfic writer springboarding off said writers’ visions without turning a profit. (lest I exceed “fair use” laws.)

But I’ve got ideas about anime couples. Fun ideas. And a few gripes about overdone ones.

Enjoy.

= = =

The bad news.

Yaoi, and its lighter variants, and its feminine counterpart, yuri: they’re all overdone. And considering the writers are basing their works on characters created in a country more sexually traditional than mine(the US), it’s funny.

Some of the writing is well-written, even thoughtful. Yet most of it is...well...falling into a few categories:

[our example anime will be Yu Yu Hakusho, one of my Fab Five.]

1. Written by teenage girl fans of shonen anime who find the available female characters dull or annoying.

If you watch the dub of YYH, this is an easy impression to get. Yukina’s great...except for the flat affect her actor adopts. OJV Yukina has a soft, girlish voice, and it grew on me more.

But it would require more than a library of Tenchi Muyo series to understand why the girls seem passive. You must at least know about the Two Lands of the Rising Sun: Before WW2 and After WW2. Words like “Meiji Era” and “Tokugawa Shogunate” are as important to the Japanese as “Gettysburg” and “Watergate” are to us; IOW, it’s not just chatter on Rurouni Kenshin.

To consolidate this, I’ll safely state that NOW-Japan isn’t a strong influence in the Japanese social fabric, and it definitely wasn’t in 1992. Hence, the girls on YYH--when compared to the boys--are a bit bland.[the woman of the hour, otoh, can kick great butt. don’t mess with ba-san.]

Thus, my guess--as good as anyone else’s--is that the writers subtly or bluntly remove Keiko from play with Yusuke, and replace her with Kuwabara. Their basis is the friends’ bond, and that odd kissing dream Kuwa had during the “Yusuke’s dead: gotta find the dragon balls to revive him” arc. (update: and, absurd as it sounds, that disturbing “married couple” montage. I never want to see Kuwa in a bonnet and dress again....)

2. Teenage girls who wanted to write a self-insert, but didn’t want to be branded a Mary Sue/CYOA writer.

They imagine themselves as, say, Kurama; wanting to feel Hiei’s fiery desire.

3. Same-sex “evangelists”.

Most fanfic written by Americans[US citizens] is targeted to that audience. We, the readers, are to learn about tolerance for the homosexual through Our Fictional Heroes. The problem is, a reader like me will hear Keenan Ivory Wayans in a mail carrier uniform yelling “Message!” every time she reads a tortured line like “...love is love.” And if that person’s a writer like me, my own inner writer screams “WRITER!”

The problem with these fics for me isn’t in Leviticus. It’s just that the ranting about how it’s perfectly OK to be gay makes the story the fanfic equivalent of TBN. IOW, the fic is too preachy.

Now, the same writer that gave us “...love is love” also gave us Angst Under Sakura Trees. It gives us Kuwabara musing over how attractive Yusuke is, etc. And that’s how I think it should be done. No Saint Paul-style “realizations” that the character is gay. Just natural human attraction.

= = = = = = = = =

If you want the coupling to be believable, hetero or yaoi, a natural style is what’s needed. Write the story as though everything the characters are feeling and doing as they “hook up” are perfectly natural.

1. Don’t be OOC. In an anime’s case, find websites that detail the OJV version. If you decide to use the dub[and you have little choice with some shows], please don’t overdo the character’s primary traits. [like Kuwa’s Chris Sabat “why did I utter that line” behavior. though “...what’s shakin’, baby?” did make me laugh...let’s not overdo it.]

2. It usually helps me to simply put certain romances as a subplot in another genre of stories. For example, in Seibutsu Shan-no Book Two we have several of my choice couplings picked out, but it’s only part of the overall story.

3. Another trick is to create a believable pretext, which is what I did in my first fanfic, The Transformers Meet the Archies.

Basically, Laserbeak ostensibly detected energy in Riverdale, so Soundwave, Thundercracker, Rumble, Frenzy, and Ravage head to the small town to make more detailed scans. In order to not attract attention, said Decepticons disguise as humans. [as to HOW they did it, the answer is understood primarily by G1 Transformers fans. Rumble makes a reference to an episode.]

While in Riverdale, Soundwave encounters Betty, who’s on the losing end of the Archie war with Veronica at this point. He starts to favor Betty himself.

Now, I made many mistakes with this one. Veronica’s TOO snotty; Archie’s too clueless, and I left the Autobots in Riverdale at the end.(that, thankfully, was taken care of by another fanfic writer.)

An example that combines my two tactics is found in Seibutsu Shan-no Book One. The main plot is that mysterious forces switched Kuwa’s mind with Eikichi. The primary subplot is Kuwakina. Other subplots are explored in subsequent SS books.

= = = = = = = = =

A general pair of writing rules for me. They help me in writing actual stories.

1. Sandwich the story. This works great for one-shots or multiparters without sequels.

2. The Star Trek Phaser Rifle rule. If a phaser rifle is hanging on the wall in Act 1, use it in Act 3. If you use the rifle in Three, have it hanging on the wall in One. This rule will serve you well in solving continuity problems within fanfic.

Example: Mythos/Densetsu, Volume One. If Kuwabara’s wearing a Goofy baseball cap at the start of the story, there should be a reason why he’s wearing that cap.

Another minor guide: Surprise, but don’t confuse. You have a destination to reach. The mystery isn’t in the where; it’s in the how, to paraphrase Madame Web.

In any given action cartoon, like Transformers, you know after the first two episodes that the Autobots are going to win, while the Decepticons retreat. The real question, then, is how do they win?

The same idea was applied to a recent eco-disaster film, The Core. You know that the earth won’t be burnt to a crisp, but how do Our Adventurers do it? In other words, as director Jon Amiel well-states, this style of writing causes you to focus more on the characters than on their mission.

And this leads me to my Grand Dictum of Fiction: Characterization is job one. You can’t have a plot without characters to act it out. A character has to say the words written. A character could do fine without plots, settings, et cetera; but the latter needs the character.

Getting back to The Core: Some genius needed to use Project Destiny; someone needed to find out that the earth’s core was FUBAR because it stopped spinning; someone had to create Virgil; etc., ad nauseum.

= = = = = =

Returning to romance and couples, I now present:

My couples, and the reasons and episodic bases for them.

1. Usamamo: Tsukino Usagi + Chiba Mamoru, BSSM.

Aside from the whole “destiny/anime/manga” issue, the pair actually does match well. Usagi is light, and sometimes silly, and pure-hearted; while Mamoru C. is shadow, mysterious, brooding, and with a sardonic wit. The anime displays this best for me.

I look at the early SM eps. Chiba starts liking her after Rei arrives; plus, he teases the girl too much.

Also, he grins whenever Usagi appears. True, most of it is because Usagi’s liable to make a fool of herself, and he’s primed to laugh. Some of this is clearly genuine affection, however little he wants to acknowledge it.

2. Momiji/Kusanagi: Fujimiya Momiji + Kusanagi Mamoru, ABS.

Concentrated Usamamo, with a healthy dash of the Accursed Kikyo Syndrome.[originally the Evil Kaede Syndrome. is it coincidence that Momiji’s eco-terror happy twin and Kikyo’s younger sister share the same name...?]

Kusanagi’s less moody than Chiba, and seems to not see that while he had tried to kill her in the two-part opener, that she’s forgiven him for that, and has actually grown fond of him.

Momiji, likewise, can’t recognize her own wonderful qualities--like her intense courage--even though Kusanagi sees them(but rarely acknowledges).

3. Kenyako/Miyaken: Ichijouji Ken + Inoue Miyako, Digimon 02.

Only a few minor hints; the whole matter is far too subtle. Just keep in mind that Ken’s a quiet person, and had to earn Miyako’s trust after the whole Kaizer shtick.

Even as the Kaizer, though; a minor note. Ken comes to dominate soccer, and sees a fairly pretty older girl squealing over him. That has to feed an ego. And eleven-year old boys personify ego.

As for Miyako: she has a crush on Mr. Popular. But he turns out to be a jerk. Except she essentially gets to understand that jerk just feels guilty about his older brother’s death. Their friendship develops, without a Popular Guy image, and becomes something more. Hence, 2027.

Besides, indigo and orchid match so well together; they have nice hair. :D

4. Seto/Anzu: Kaiba Seto + Mazaki Anzu, YGO:DM.

Matching hair and eyes is a good reason, with Anzu being bright, and Seto more muted. They just...meld.

5. Kuwakina: Kuwabara Kazuma + Yukina, YYH.

The bold and the beautiful; it’s a tall guy with a short girl. Both of them are really gentle, kindhearted people.

6. Sesshoumaru/Rin: Inuyasha.

It’s only a matter of time! Plus, the IRONY.... He’s already protective of the girl; and in many ways, Fluffy and Osuwari are alike.(“you can tell by their tempers they’re related....”) Plus, Rin’s a sweetie.

A note on these couples: Except for Usamamo, these couples’ bonds take time to develop. Mominagi(#2) lets us get an idea of how a relationship would evolve over a year; Kenyako implies a friendship reestablished after adulthood. Like #2, Kuwakina and Setanzu would only blossom after their series’ runs. Sesshou, in addition to dealing with his prejudices against humans in general(and hanyou in particular; the anger really a misplaced jealousy over his pointy-eared kid brother getting Daddy’s COOL sword, while he--despite being the oldest--gets the sissy healing sword that kills nothing.)has to wait until the girl is of mating age. [and for fanfic writers, that means she has to be at least sixteen. I prefer eighteen, but I’m willing to give seventeen a bit of wiggle room.]

My couples of boredom.

Hiei/Kurama: overrated.

Seiji/Touma: next!

Kensuke, Yusubara: brothers....

Botan/any YYH guy: just seems contrived to me.

Yugi/Anzu: my setanzu-ship senses are tingling. yugi has everything else....

Seto/Jounouchi: it’s the doing of 4Kids, I tell ya! one too many puppy jokes.... more of a rivalry/unrecognized kindred spirit bit here(as said dub did actually touch on.) besides, seto tends to either dominate or be a sexually stunted, broken shell from goza’s abuse; while jouno’s father also likes to beat on jou-jou. both may be true of the comic, but I’m watching the animation.

Jouno/Mai: can’t really add to what the show did.

Bakura/anyone: sleep....

Seto/Goza: ALWAYS abuse, ALWAYS. just once, I’d like to see a twist. Goza as Seto’s love slave, or Seto being a willing NAMBLA toy.... if you’re going to write sad child/adult fics like this, do something with it besides having goza do things to seto guaranteed to have the CEO stripped of power and prestige...by the news, or a conscientious KC employee.... if these things must be written, make it part of a murder case conan edogawa/shinichi kudo could solve.(this could even incorporate the manga abuse...because seto did kill goza there.) come on, surprise me.

Jin/Touya: seeing nothing...

Kurama/Karasu: nothing exists....

= = = = = = = = =

Couples I haven’t seen yet(and some I don’t wanna see).

So far:

Younger Toguro/Kuwabara: this could only be handled by a skilled writer.

Elder Toguro/Kuwabara: NOOOOOO...!

Either Toguro/Yukina: wrong....

Tarukane/Yukina: cast...out...mental...image....

= = = = = = = = =

Romances with an author’s original characters.

These are the trickiest. The Mary Sue must be avoided at all costs. The self-insert is lethal.

What I find helpful: create running biographies on your copyrighted character. Find out who he’s connected to, extrapolate his age based on the date of the show; also use his personality as a guide. Then, fill in the blanks.

Let’s use Gozaburo as an example.

I guessed him to be in his mid/late fifties, pinning his birth date at 1949. His family is centuries-old nobility; Goza’s father probably fought in WW2. Goza’s mom had to make hard choices post-bellum, as she lost everything. Mom met Dad at a bar and contracted out a night; Goza’s the product of it. By a twist of fate, Mom left Goza at Dad’s doorstep; stately Kaiba Manor; she was never seen again.

Dad’s postwar PTSD* caused him to be a nice person, but childlike; during the war, and until the incident, Dad was a brutal and ruthless teenage soldier.

[* his American cousin hijacked his kamikaze Zero and crashed into Kaiba Corporation’s main office on Alcatraz. --to stop Dad from crashing the plane into one of the US bombers launching the sustained raid over Tokyo.--]

Goza and Dad lived together with Grandfather; an angry, bitter, and ancient man. (sound familiar?) Dad died, hit by a car, when Goza was four; Goza’s remaining childhood was spent with Grandfather.

The above should establish why Goza is Goza, how this transmitted to Seto, etc.

We note that Noa exists. He didn’t come out of thin air, so...a wife is needed. Considering Noa’s extreme youth compared to Goza, Goza’s wife had to either be really young, or the woman had Noa late. [I went with the latter.] Also, Goza’s eyes are brown, but Noa’s are gray; their hair is nothing alike(unless we can find a young Goza with lime-green hair...).

Goza’s wife was born in 1952, one of a set of identical twins born out of wedlock to a Japanese woman and an American man. The man was engaged back home, and he had to go back; leaving Honey’s mom with said twins. Her family and the Kaibas share an ancient bond. She becomes KC’s accountant at fifteen, but quits when Goza takes over in 1970, a year after they married.

Now: why is Noa so late? Goza’s not the type to dilly-dally in making an heir. And I’m fairly sure she’s fertile enough, though she did suffer a miscarriage.

And several others after that. Too many for a coincidence. Somebody wanted to destroy the putative KC heir. There’s no motive for Goza’s honey to fail to produce the child[unless she wants to be turned out of the mansion without alimony....]; hence, an enemy has induced abortions. Someone within the company who stands to gain from Goza dying without a legacy.

[Only members of the Big Five would gain anything from this. B1 is too old to risk it, possibly older than Goza. B2 just wants a penguin zoo. B3’s too young; while B4, surprisingly, is a family man. That leaves B5: six years younger than Goza, unmarried, underhanded and lacking moral scruples. Judging by B5’s accent, he’s a small town “hick” with ambition who made good. --iow, the dub gave me ideas....--]

But, Noa was born; the boy jet-set with Mommy Kaiba until three, when he met Daddy Warbucks Goza for the first time. The three were inseparable, and Goza thought he could finally relax and enjoy his new idyll.

Alas! Loving wife and doting son die within the same year. Noa’s departure finally broke him.

Then...the boy Seto beat him in a chess match. Seto’s proposal reminds Goza of a conversation he had with his wife about adopting brothers to keep Noa company and challenge said minty son. (but since Goza wanted to resurrect his seed, the CEO had better ideas....) However, life left Goza bitter and vengeful; thus, Seto was duly placed on the shitlist as the nearest target.(the fact that the kid beat him at chess didn’t help....)

The reader should guess from this(or a dialogue-rich version) that Goza loved his wife dearly.

= = = = = = = = =

One interesting way to make a couple: the crossover. To continue with the Goza example:

Mrs. Kaiba’s a character who was actually inspired by her great niece. You see, I needed a conduit; a pretext to match Goza with BSSM’s Ami; Honey Kaiba’s twin sister is Ami’s Granny. Ami often visited Great-Uncle Goza’s house, falling in love with the man’s brilliant--if mildly disturbed--mind. Great-Aunt Honey, devoted to Goza, wants to arrange a marriage between the two(if she dies); as Goza returns Ami’s affections to a lesser extent. [age is probably an issue.]

Crossover couples are fun, but very tricky. The key is to create a plausible universe where all your crossover shows can exist. Each series’ plot can coexist with the others without screwing up the works.

My structure:

1. Base continuum. This is created using the date the primary show(s) was/were produced. If Digimon 02 is in the story, I use it as an anchor timeline due to it being set only two years ago.

2. It’s best to pick shows and characters you’re familiar with and really like. Since the characters are more or less friends, per se, you know how they’ll react to any given situation you put them in.

Example: Sesshoumaru is sent forward 150 years in time. Because I like Fluffy’s character, I can imagine him exploring the “far West” with the Iroquois and chatting with Ben Franklin, etc.

3. Concoct a foe foreign to all the heroes; or if all else fails, steal from better, public domain sources. :D

Mythos/Densetsu is in part the aftermath of several Greco/Roman myths, colliding with the lives of several Japanese people; and an American.

These are the four main ones to help you with the story:

1. The Rape(kidnapping!) of Persephone
2. Cupid(eros) and Psyche
3. Death of Chiron
4. Fall of Cronos, father of the Pantheon

The villain, of course, is Cronos, who wants back his rule over the Pantheon. To do that, he has to kill his six children...

...who, due to an effort to resolve a centuries-old marital arrangement, are in the bodies of mortals along with the rest of the major Greek deities.

Here, I retell the above four and other myths in ways the modern-day crew can understand, along with other adventures.

Also a feature(inspired by Maetel Legend and Sailor Moon) is the Japanese snow queen legend and the moon princess Kaguya.

Yayoi Yukino, with great helpings of Hans Christian Andersen, is in this story the youkai goddess over the koorime.(the icy snow girls)

Kaguya(according to my globodix means furniture retail) is a legendary girl of the moon. Here, the name represents everything beautiful in Kuwabara’s life; the idea sprung from a white kitten with perfect blue eyes, whom he tried to nurse back to health when he was five. Kuwa failed, and gave little kitty Kaguya a noble burial. Hence, when his daughter was born, Kuwa named the girl Kaguya. (which should give you an idea of how he sees his little girl.)

As for the Snow Queen: she lives alone in an isolated area of the Arctic Circle. I fused YY with the loneliness of the SQ to create the koorime goddess.

All of this references the title: Mythos(gk. myth)/Densetsu(jp. legend)

When Digimon gets involved was primarily for DA02-2027 purposes; yet Culumon evolved into a Plotbunnymon. As I’m unwilling to clutter M/D with Digimon stuff, I created a side story, or gaiden, for this arc.

For this, you need a bit of real world trivia: DARPANET, 1969. Since all Chosen are usually Japanese, I just needed someone young in 1969. Goza was twenty, so he “created” the digital world, which is actually a repository for mankind’s reika-ju, or spirit realm beasts. The digital world’s maturity in 1996 meant that the problem Puu/Yusuke faced in 1992-93 no longer applied; a person can live without her inner self, and vice versa. Aside from that, the creature could still feel what their human counterpart feels.

A bit of alpha and omega/seven of everything monotheism snuck in here as well; hence I chose six other “Heavens”, a Chosen with a unique special effect on the digital world.

The effects:

Creation
Procreation
Benediction
Jubilation
Redemption
Resurrection
Reconciliation

But anymore would spoil the stories--if I even choose to post them on FF.Net. I think Xing got angry with me this week.

See the next post, “Xing has issues.” ^*above*^

2004-04-15T01:24:00.000-04:00

Communications can now be received from outside, both here and with Laserbeak in the Control Room. Please stand by.

2004-04-15T01:20:00.000-04:00

Soon, Laserbeak will receive communiques from outside signals.

2003-10-17T23:54:00.000-04:00

Today, Laserbeak reports continuing commentary on Islam.

When you read my chatter on either my blog or any MB posts, I make a lot of cartoon references. Bill Whittle makes pop culture references. On the latter's site, someone pooh-poohed his Trek chatter in the comments section.

Something along the lines of: POWER was a masterful display of wordplay, beautifully expounding on various points--only to be marred by references to pop culture.

I take umbrage to that. I was on ATTCM once, posting an intriguing scenario involving the G1 Transformers in "our world"; someone commented, saying: "This is real life! How can you possibly trivialize it with a 'cartoon'?"

Sigh. This is an outrage! Whittle and I live in a country where our most quoted philosophers range from Baptist reverends to baseball coaches.

Furthermore: Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Data, Worf, Picard--all are part of a myth. Optimus Prime and Megatron: part of another myth. Batman, Spiderman: two more myths. Lion-O, hero of yet another American myth.

Asking Americans to ignore their pop culture is like asking an ancient Greek to ignore the Greek pantheon. I will cite cartoons nearly as much as Scripture(which is why I'm thankful for Superbook).

Even our professional writers make references to popular fiction. Despite the fact that my exposure to J.R.R. Tolkien is limited to those LotR cartoons I saw during Thanksgiving, I know that a writer made reference to "the Orcs" that wanted to destroy civilization.

What makes Gandalf any different than Skywise? [other than Gandalf's extra finger. :)] Don't the X-Men suffer persecution and hatred?

The fact that a person can take segments of our life as humans and make analogies to fiction shouldn't cause anyone to look down their noses. Not at all.

Is Transformers a cartoon? Yes. I'll even concede that it was, first and foremost, a marketing ploy concocted by toy companies in America and Japan. But it was effective enough to get us to suspend our disbelief; to care so deeply for Optimus Prime--a character that could never exist--that not only did children shed tears at "his" passing, but it affected the fate of a beloved character on another cartoon! [and that was the usual set of kid fans that grew up on G1. don't get Raksha started on the treatment of Starscream....]

Batman, Spiderman, Star Wars: these are the continuations of American tall tales. Like Paul Bunyan, John Henry(STEEL!), and Johnny Appleseed. Just our young nation's contribution to the richness of world folklore, like 1001 Arabian Nights, and Journey to the West. (which, in turn, gave Japan--and then us in the US--Dragon Ball/Z/GT. and yes, something good other than the codification of algebra did come from the ME.)

What was the purpose of European fairy tales, except to admonish and exhort the young to follow a certain path? And while we respect Shakespeare as a great writer now, back in his day he was basically a TV show creator/producer. [heck, we steal a lot of the man's material--itself cribbed from other sources. Will, like most of today's anime dubbing companies, was paid to write fanfic.]

We admire characters like Data and Superman because they embody qualities that we want in ourselves. Some people can resonate with--and resent--Sesshoumaru's pissy attitude over his brother. (despite the fact that Fluffy's from another time and culture....)

Though our fictional characters are fake indeed, they're real in a sense--because skillful writers had worked hard to help us suspend our disbelief at the thought of an alien from the planet Krypton adopted by a human couple. In said Kal-el's case, many skilled writers and no-talent hacks plied their trade to add to his mythos; fundamentally of little difference from Homer's Iliad and Odyssey--with the exception that Homer was writing about gods he believed in.

Consider WWE wrestling. Consider Hollywood, CA. Both create myths and legends that require us to watch in faith--if only for an hour or so. From birth to death we have this going on.

The reason, ultimately, why some movies get bad reviews from Roger Ebert? Because he sees the god of the machine; if we expect the Wizard of Oz, and we see the man behind the curtain...the "spell" is broken. We can't suspend our disbelief.

So when Bill Whittle makes a pop culture comment, it's a part of understanding an American perception--a human perception--of events in the world. It most emphatically shouldn't be sneezed at.

2003-07-25T22:17:00.000-04:00

Laserbeak, begin transmission. Date: present.

2003-07-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

From: BLOGGER

New and improved BLOGGER, eh? We'll see.

An update from me in late July? Apologies.

That story about Kuwie and his cat...evolved, digivolved, mutated into a series of stories. I'm no Tolkien or Rowling, but I think this may be my best one yet.

Don't bother searching FF.Net for it yet, though. I have to interrupt some of my other fics there to rotate.

But, in addition to the cat story are many other tales from myriad times. Most likely PG-13 to R.

2003-05-11T00:31:00.000-04:00

Today, I note that I forgot someone in my 5/7/2003 List of Fame. One of the "living" animated legends himself, on a show about a group of professional thieves.

No, not Lupin III. Rather, his nemesis, Zenigata.

This man...this man--he's just plain funny. He makes this show. If Lupin III were a movie, I know of two Western actors that could carry him off beautifully: Jim Carrey and John Witherspoon. The former: In Living Color alum, famed actor in several comedies and a few critically-acclaimed films. (though I see Carrey as Lupin himself) The latter is such an obvious choice for Zenigata that if the Wayans dynasty, Spike Lee, or some unknown director were to make it a live-action piece, Zeni would be Afrimerican. Hey, it worked for Whoopi in Burglar.

Thus far, the ep with Zeni in San Francisco has to be his best. Where is this man's mind? Honestly, if you were to put Kuwabara and Zenigata in the same place...actually, that fanfic is already being written, though Unknown will take a more serious tone. [much like a Lupin movie/TV special]

[synop mode] Somehow, I put Zenigata, Kuwabara's dad(who's probably dead on the show), Fujiko, Atsuko(Yusuke's eternally-inebriated mommy), and TK's[Takeru] grandfather from DA02 as children in a more innocent stage in their lives. Though not by much--these kids' lives were all screwed up except for Michel's. Especially kid Zenigata's.

Then, in present time, I have: Lupin and crew, older and wiser; vs. Zenigata and four young agents. The new Interpolice: Kuwabara, a girl that looks like Tea[Anzu], an American clone of "Bandit" Keith, and one of Keith's flunkies, Bones[Ghost]; all of the other three stolen borrowed from YuGiOh[Duel Monsters]. Thrown into this continuation of the ancient rivalry is a mystery theft that may very well threaten two worlds: "ours", and the digital world.

This clearly will go to Fanfiction.Net. But I'm debating whether it should go to L3, Digimon, or YYH in the Anime section.

Hoping new eps of L3 come soon.

2003-05-07T03:44:00.000-04:00

Ah, Kazuma, how versatile thou art...

For ye that know not of any kazumas, there's only one on Toonami. or CN for that matter.

Kuwabara, alternately: Kaz, Kazu, Kuwie, Goofy[and, yes, I know Disney immortalized the lanky, big-hearted guy archetype in the form of a dog; let's not get into the Disney/Tezuka controversies today], and Hiei's personal favorite, Fool. [hiei, interesting dude, but has an annoying tendency to end his fights at the same rate of speed as Iron Mike Tyson back when he could box without resorting to ear-chewing.]

Anyhoo, back to Kuwie. One of the most interesting character designs to date, but it's his...personality that wins me over. No surprise here--as I believe characterization makes the bulk of my favorite shows, and YYH makes that in spades.

What is Kazu's role in Yu-Yu? Obviously not the bishounen, though he isn't ugly to me. [I've seen WORSE looking character designs.] Just not pretty. Can't be the hero, as that task has been placed on the Guy Who Likes Green*. And not Hiei, as our Eternally-Peeved-Twelve-Year-Old is Kuwabara's foil. [think Laurel and Hardy, Rita and Runt, Chip and Dale....]

* most fans call him Yusuke, and he's a great guy, too.

Brillo-head's(another nick for Kuwie) role is...the human element. Essentially, he is US. To be more precise, he is the 10-year old Japanese boy who chased his sister away from Sailormoon in 1992, who declared himself too old for Dragonball Z, and other inane bits of speculation where I presume that: despite our cultural differences, Japanese boys and American boys would probably play with a Terry Man action figure even if all that was left of Terry the Brat's(the Kid) pa was his torso. Or maybe a leg. [I base this on extensive empirical observation of nephews, male cousins, and an older brother over the course of two decades, though the fact they're all Afrimericans has not eluded me.]

For proof of this, just note how he reacts to some situations. [in other situations, he acts twice his age, and in other cases, he behaves like--gasp--an actual teenage boy.]

Now, my favorite character in animation from Japan still is Shutendouji, Oni Masho. [for neophytes to Ronin Warriors, this bishie redhead was called Anubis, Master of Cruelty stateside, despite the fact that the real Anubis--Yami Masho/Kail, Kale, Cale, Cail, Gale, Gail, Likeitmatters, :rolleyes:; might object.]

But it's hard for him to best Kaz; the latter was revealed in the beginning to be an overall nice kid with hidden psychic powers who just had a penchant for being in fights with half the local roughs in the district. Anubis the Red was, at the start of RW, well...the MOC. Throwing Innocent Bystanders[&TM&] into the maw of Mt. Fuji to get the hero to power down was smart--but underhanded. Indeed, I was a happy viewer when he joined the Team, because he was the smartest samurai there. [though Sage fans would beg to differ.]

In addition to Kuwie, Anubis faces Kusanagi, who's definitely the best "leading man" I've seen in action; and Ichijouji Ken, a compelling yet fairly simple to understand boy.[once you realize he's just 11, you can pin down much of his thankfully-defunct alter ego's rationale.]

Plus, Terry the Kid and Kinniku Mantaro sneak in; finally: Chiba and Kaiba Seto round out the gang.

[of course, these are the guys I like a great deal.]

But now, I must sleep. Good night. :)

2003-05-07T02:46:00.000-04:00

Oh...it's been a massive effort to publish these blogs, drat it. Had I known BlogSpot was a portal, I would never have tried to FTP it directly to TTTV. Older posts from my previous blog efforts:

[4/27/2003 2:47:59 AM | Janell Clark]
And now, Laserbeak the Decepticon demands your undivided attention. Late.

[4/27/2003 2:18:37 AM | Janell Clark]
I suppose a synopsis is in order. The story's set in 1995, and basically involves a guy and his cat. It also has a giant tiger demon, a dog demon aristocrat, and [I hope] gives off vibes from Ovid's Metamorphisis.

(probably not. but it's a fairly decent switch-Kuwabara-with-his-cat story--which hasn't been done before--and heaven knows the YYH section can use stories not expounding on Hiei and Kurama's undying love.... and besides, it has Fluffy!)

Let me work on that, as well as PB. [the latter may not receive an update until mid-May. the War had consumed my thinking of late, making TI eerily prescient--though in the way that GIJoe eps are psychic regarding current events....]