What is FF.Net’s problem? If I did something wrong, I definitely won’t do it again....
But this apparently was what got my entire first story arc of Mythos/DENSETSU rejected by the bot. [I’m convinced the rejection was automated; either that, or FF.Net’s editors never read past the first section of my story, which I admit was a script that did mention an actor’s name--ONCE.]
But I’ll just post that whole page here, so that readers can see what I wrote--which caused the bot (editor) to reject my twenty-six part story.
[this will appear on the blog minus the formatting.]
I want you to compare the piece below to FF.Net's guidelines to see wherein I've violated. My only guesses: Eric Stuart and the whole "script" format of this part of the story. One part of a twenty-six part story....
* * * * * * * * *
Foreword
This saga is the second piece to use my Narnia Format, and this time I’ve taken the suggestion(from Seibutsu Shan-no reviews)of shorter chapters to heart. Hence, as you read the first full story(see below), you’ll notice the large number of chapters.
= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =
MYTHOS/Densetsu features two prologues: a fun one teasing Pegasus J., Keith Howie the Bandito, and Kaiba Gozaburo the Slightly Dead; and the other, serious one: a series of short vignettes that hint at several stories waiting to be told. The first prologue, a stand-alone, does have...oh, read it!
= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =
An Iliad, an Odyssey, or the Tale of a Shogun Wanna-be? is set in the year 1991, a year before Yu Yu Hakusho, nine years before the events in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters, and thirteen years from the present. I hope you find the scenario intriguing and fun. (though the idea of Jounouchi and Honda as ninja is inherently fun.)
= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =
MYTHOS/densetsu - Prolog One. Before We Begin, The Last Man on Earth Contest.
Hi. I’m Koto. In the 1990s I was the announcer for the Ankoku Bujukitsai, and now I’m hosting this tripe. [cheesy, crap-eating grin]
Courtesy of a grant from the Kaiba Corporation, Industrial Illusions, and...Mrs. Howard’s Visa Card, I present to you:
The LAST MAN ON EARTH! [G-Gundam’s “Ride the Sky” plays.]
= = =
YGO{KoG} Narrator(YGON): Long ago, when the pyramids were still....
Eric Stuart (Director): Wrong lines, you fool!
(7563 note: He played Seto and Peggy on YGO:KoG. If he
was a reason to reject my entire story...then I do
apologize.)
YGON: ...sorry. [clears throat] These are three of the most despicable adult bachelors in the world of Anime. [screen displays Keith Howard, Kaiba Gozaburo, and Pegasus Crawford with confused and annoyed looks on their faces.] But a rare and terrible virus has turned all other men...into young women. Making THEM the Chosen Ones, the only eligible bachelors alive....
Manga Fan: Didn’t they all die in the comic?
YGON: I said “...in the world of ANIME.”
Manga Fan: Pshaw. It’s the cartoon.... [leaves]
= = =
Anzu: So, the virus only affected men?
Jounouchi: Almost like that virus on Justice League. Please don’t stick me with Keith!
Mokuba: I’ll take Keith—-he didn’t do anything to hurt Seto or myself.
Keith: If I may have some say in this--*
YGON: No real say, but go on.
Keith: I have no interest in children.
Pegasus: Gozaburo shouldn’t be here. Even the anime has him dead.
Gozaburo: I am Goza the Mighty. I can do anything.
Seto: Including steal dialogue from American cartoons.
Koto: If we can actually get things started....
= = =
Koto: Our first contestant is an old Yu Yu Hakusho favorite, Kuwabara Kazuma. [a feminine Kuwa walks onstage] How do you feel?
Kuwabara: Shouldn’t we focus on finding a cure!?
Koto: ...not according to the producer. [grin]
Kuwabara: But...I’m still in love with Yukina-san.... [blush]
Hiei(offstage): Just what a koorime needs—-more yuri.
Kurama(offstage): Now that you’re female, perhaps you can tell Yukina about your secret.
Hiei: And perhaps you can change your name to Denise, like the Filipinos always wanted.
Koto: Let’s just pick a bachelor, okay?
Kuwabara: These men are total strangers! That’d just be wrong.
Koto: This is like a dating game. Just ask a few questions to get to know them a little better.
Kuwabara: Okay. [reads card] Keith, how would you romance a young lady?
Keith: I figure we’d hang out, have a few bottles of sake, then head back to my place.
Kuwabara: WHAT!? You’re going to get me drunk?
Keith: No, myself. You don’t make a pretty girl.
Kuwabara: [tense] I’m not allowed to kill the bachelor, am I?
Koto: Nope.
Kuwabara: You seem to be the weakest link. Next! [to Gozaburo] Old man, how would you romance a lovely lady?
Gozaburo: After teaching you a bit of respect for your elders, we would sit down for a nice game of chess.
Kuwabara: Does your teaching skills reflect your reputation as a parent?
Gozaburo: [glares] ...it depends on whom I’m parenting.
Kuwabara: I think I’d rather date Byakko. [to Pegasus] What would you do?
Pegasus: Simple. What I had planned to do for my late wife.
Kuwabara: You were married...? [Pegasus nods.] ...I’m sorry.
Gozaburo: What about a little sympathy for me!? Noa didn’t exactly come out of thin air!
Mokuba: I was thinking you cloned him using your DNA.
Gozaburo: When I was born, they broke the mold.
Seto: And Heaven rejoiced at the knowledge that there could be only one of Kaiba Gozaburo.
Gozaburo: [glares at Seto] ...no jury on earth would have convicted me....
Kuwabara: Pegasus...?
Pegasus: A morning picnic, with a tasteful glass of red wine. After which, I would be inspired to paint. I would have you pose nude....
Kuwabara: [blush] ...is it too late for me to be Yukina-san’s forbidden lover?
Yusuke: Pick a man, Kuwabara!
Kuwabara: Urameshi! Don’t rush me. This isn’t exactly the best selection.... [to the bachelors] What would each of you say is your best selling point?
Keith: I’m under thirty, experienced. I play Duel Monsters. And I’m an American.
Gozaburo: I’m experienced, intelligent, wealthy, and resourceful--*
Seto: You can cut out the “wealthy” part. I own Kaiba Corporation now, remember?
Gozaburo: You own fifty-one percent. And that can easily change.... [looks towards Mokuba]
Seto: Stay away from my sister!
Pegasus: I’m fun, exciting-—never a dull moment with me. I created Duel Monsters, which has made me wealthier than most kings. I’m also an American.
Koto: Kuwabara, what’s your choice?
Kuwabara: Gozaburo’s probably a lot nicer than he lets on, but the child abuse rumors are too much. And Keith seems more like a guy I would hang out with as a friend than a soul mate. I’d have to go with Pegasus...unless I can marry Yukina-san instead?
Keith and Gozaburo: MARRIAGE?
Kuwabara: Yeah! I’m not a cheap one-night lay, you know!
Keith: Kuwa, baby; there’s three of us and over six billion of you. You have to share until the population ratio levels off.
Hiei: ...good thing I can impregnate myself now....
Koto: Anyway...that’s a vote for Pegasus!
= = =
Koto: As it stands now, we have two votes for Keith, ten for Pegasus, and Gozaburo is in the lead with eighty.
Keith: This is rigged. No way did he get all the Sailor Senshi.
Pegasus: At least you got Yamazaki Sakura from Blue Seed.
Gozaburo: Actually, I only have three of the Senshi. Mizuno’s still taking a test, and Tsukino chose Crawford.
Usagi: He has my Mamo-chan...Mamo-ko...I hate this scenario...!
Koto: Wait...here comes our next contestant, Mizuno Ami!
= = =
Koto: Okay, Ami; ask a question.
Ami: What is the meaning of life?
Koto: ...
Keith: Sex.
Pegasus: Funny Rabbit.
Gozaburo: Marry me, you pretty fool.
Ami: ...I’ll become a nun.
Koto: Sorry. Religious celibacy has been temporarily outlawed due to the population crisis.
Ami: Meaning...?
Koto: It’s one of them, one of them, or...one of them.
Gozaburo: You know you want me.
Ami: I’ve never met you—-any of you.
Keith: Choose me. I’ve only got Yamazaki and...Ghost. Besides, in addition to Duel Monsters, I can play a mean game of chess....
Ami: [eyes glisten] ...chess?
Pegasus: I...I can play checkers and mah-jongg!
Gozaburo: Aside from business, my best skill is chess.
Keith: Please, old man. A twelve-year old beat him!
Gozaburo: This from a man who had a nervous breakdown because he was beaten by a child at Duel Monsters.
Keith: [reveals gun]...I’ll just eliminate the competition right now—-starting with you!
Ami: It’s illegal to own firearms in Japan. Gozaburo wins by default.
Keith: W-what...?
Pegasus: You just lost.
Keith: NO! [curses]
Gozaburo: [to Ami] Trust me, my dear, you’ve made a wise choice.
= = =
Tenchi: Washu, have you found a cure yet?
Washu: Actually, there’s nothing to cure.
Ryoko and Ayeka: WHAT!?
Mihoshi: I don’t understand....
Kiyone: For once, neither do I.
Ryoko: Will you at least tell me why I’m married to a louse like Gozaburo, instead of my Tenchi?
Ayeka: Because Lord—-[clears throat] Lady Tenchi chose to marry him—-and she is MINE!
Washu: The explanation is quite simple....
Koto: Ladies, I really have to wrap this up....
= = =
Koto: For the final round, our panel of judges is helmed by the three most beautiful girls in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters....
Seto: The three ONLY women on our show who are legal in 2004....
Koto: ...and they’ve decided on a kissing contest! Gozaburo is currently still in the lead with 500 women, Keith has moved into second with 300, and Pegasus has the final 200 ladies. [shows scorecard] However, harem numbers only constitute one half of the overall score, so it’s still any bachelor’s game!
Mai: What did we decide to do again?
Anzu: We each have to kiss all three of them, then compare notes.
Mai: Must we?
Isis: My sister Malik won’t like this....
Koto: The judges have decided on ascending romaji order. [Anzu gulps]
:: Anzu, Isis, and Mai in turn each kiss Gozaburo first. Then Keith. Then Pegasus. ::
Koto: ...and now the judges confer....
Mai: Gozaburo showed surprising skill, and Keith wasn’t half bad—-but Pegasus! You were incredible with me. [raises four of hearts]
Anzu: Not with me. He was okay. Keith, you’re quite skilled. [raises five of hearts] Gozaburo has potential, but he’s too aggressive.
Isis: I thought Keith was a bit too rough—-perhaps if he shaved. Gozaburo was far too physical, possibly because he hasn’t touched a woman since his son was born. Pegasus, though you’ve suffered a similar loss, you don’t seem quite so desperate. I enjoyed kissing you. [raises four of hearts]
Koto: After tallying the scores...it seems that Pegasus has won in a major upset! 1000-point total. Keith comes in a strong second with an 800-point total, while Gozaburo rounds us off with the 500 points he had at the start of the round. [to Pegasus] What do you have to say, big winner?
Pegasus: It’s like that old nursery rhyme: you have a wife, but you can’t keep her without the romance.
Washu: CUT!
Director: I’M supposed to say that....
Washu: I just want a word with the producer. Who we know is...Author 7563! Come on out....
7563: Drat and doubledrat. I was just trying to have some fun before the real prologue.
Gozaburo: REAL prologue? You mean I don’t have a harem of five hundred women?
7563: If you did, none of them would be Seto....
Big 05: When do I figure into this?
7563: When you tell me what your function was in the Kaiba Corporation.
Big 05: ...I’ll get back to you on that. [crap-eating smile]
Big 01-04: [to Gozaburo and Seto] We told you BOTH he did nothing for the company! Nothing!
Noa: Didn’t I delete all five of you?
Washu: The answer to that lies in the real fanfic 7563’s cooking up.
7563: [mimics Nyasu/Meowth] “Nya-ba nya!”
:: end prolog 1 ::
* * * * * * * * *
Strangely, I’m half-glad; now I can convert this piece to HTML format to preserve some of my formatting. If the above did, however, violate FF.Net’s TOS, then I’ll gladly remove this piece; it’s just a funny stand-alone I wrote in part to clear my thoughts, and in part to clue in readers--in a joking way--to plot points of the story.
I didn’t collaborate on this or any other segments of this story arc, nor did I request collaboration via the review area of the site. Just reviews(and every writer on the site trolls for reviews--FF.Net would cease to exist if that was against the TOS).
While I could rewrite this first part of the piece into the standard “prose” format, that’d be too much effort expended given the nature of the piece. I’m just angry that parts 2-26 got chucked out, and my upload privileges suspended, for this one rather silly chapter.
I do wonder if I should just find another site to post fanfic on, or revamp my own site -
http://starflower.tripod.com - that I can format my fics however I wish.
I understand the reasons for the anti-MST/CYOA/chat/script/real actor inserts, and again, if this was really in violation, I didn’t realize it. But I’ll just suck it up and move on.
Mythos/DENSETSU will return. And with better formatting. I just hope it’ll be with FF.Net--until this, I’ve had a great time with them.
(c’mon, Xing--I think I removed Citrus Excursions on my own when the anti-NC17 ruling came out. And I can’t blame you for that--the Blue’s Clues lemons were just too much....)
Figures my newest story would get rejected. :p
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