Sunday, August 08, 2004

Xing has issues.

What is FF.Net’s problem? If I did something wrong, I definitely won’t do it again....

But this apparently was what got my entire first story arc of Mythos/DENSETSU rejected by the bot. [I’m convinced the rejection was automated; either that, or FF.Net’s editors never read past the first section of my story, which I admit was a script that did mention an actor’s name--ONCE.]

But I’ll just post that whole page here, so that readers can see what I wrote--which caused the bot (editor) to reject my twenty-six part story.

[this will appear on the blog minus the formatting.]

I want you to compare the piece below to FF.Net's guidelines to see wherein I've violated. My only guesses: Eric Stuart and the whole "script" format of this part of the story. One part of a twenty-six part story....

* * * * * * * * *


This saga is the second piece to use my Narnia Format, and this time I’ve taken the suggestion(from Seibutsu Shan-no reviews)of shorter chapters to heart. Hence, as you read the first full story(see below), you’ll notice the large number of chapters.

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

MYTHOS/Densetsu features two prologues: a fun one teasing Pegasus J., Keith Howie the Bandito, and Kaiba Gozaburo the Slightly Dead; and the other, serious one: a series of short vignettes that hint at several stories waiting to be told. The first prologue, a stand-alone, does have...oh, read it!

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

An Iliad, an Odyssey, or the Tale of a Shogun Wanna-be? is set in the year 1991, a year before Yu Yu Hakusho, nine years before the events in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters, and thirteen years from the present. I hope you find the scenario intriguing and fun. (though the idea of Jounouchi and Honda as ninja is inherently fun.)

= ~ = ~ + ~ = ~ =

MYTHOS/densetsu - Prolog One. Before We Begin, The Last Man on Earth Contest.

Hi. I’m Koto. In the 1990s I was the announcer for the Ankoku Bujukitsai, and now I’m hosting this tripe. [cheesy, crap-eating grin]

Courtesy of a grant from the Kaiba Corporation, Industrial Illusions, and...Mrs. Howard’s Visa Card, I present to you:

The LAST MAN ON EARTH! [G-Gundam’s “Ride the Sky” plays.]

= = =

YGO{KoG} Narrator(YGON): Long ago, when the pyramids were still....

Eric Stuart (Director): Wrong lines, you fool!

(7563 note: He played Seto and Peggy on YGO:KoG. If he
was a reason to reject my entire story...then I do

YGON: ...sorry. [clears throat] These are three of the most despicable adult bachelors in the world of Anime. [screen displays Keith Howard, Kaiba Gozaburo, and Pegasus Crawford with confused and annoyed looks on their faces.] But a rare and terrible virus has turned all other men...into young women. Making THEM the Chosen Ones, the only eligible bachelors alive....

Manga Fan: Didn’t they all die in the comic?

YGON: I said “ the world of ANIME.”

Manga Fan: Pshaw. It’s the cartoon.... [leaves]

= = =

Anzu: So, the virus only affected men?

Jounouchi: Almost like that virus on Justice League. Please don’t stick me with Keith!

Mokuba: I’ll take Keith—-he didn’t do anything to hurt Seto or myself.

Keith: If I may have some say in this--*

YGON: No real say, but go on.

Keith: I have no interest in children.

Pegasus: Gozaburo shouldn’t be here. Even the anime has him dead.

Gozaburo: I am Goza the Mighty. I can do anything.

Seto: Including steal dialogue from American cartoons.

Koto: If we can actually get things started....

= = =

Koto: Our first contestant is an old Yu Yu Hakusho favorite, Kuwabara Kazuma. [a feminine Kuwa walks onstage] How do you feel?

Kuwabara: Shouldn’t we focus on finding a cure!?

Koto: ...not according to the producer. [grin]

Kuwabara: But...I’m still in love with Yukina-san.... [blush]

Hiei(offstage): Just what a koorime needs—-more yuri.

Kurama(offstage): Now that you’re female, perhaps you can tell Yukina about your secret.

Hiei: And perhaps you can change your name to Denise, like the Filipinos always wanted.

Koto: Let’s just pick a bachelor, okay?

Kuwabara: These men are total strangers! That’d just be wrong.

Koto: This is like a dating game. Just ask a few questions to get to know them a little better.

Kuwabara: Okay. [reads card] Keith, how would you romance a young lady?

Keith: I figure we’d hang out, have a few bottles of sake, then head back to my place.

Kuwabara: WHAT!? You’re going to get me drunk?

Keith: No, myself. You don’t make a pretty girl.

Kuwabara: [tense] I’m not allowed to kill the bachelor, am I?

Koto: Nope.

Kuwabara: You seem to be the weakest link. Next! [to Gozaburo] Old man, how would you romance a lovely lady?

Gozaburo: After teaching you a bit of respect for your elders, we would sit down for a nice game of chess.

Kuwabara: Does your teaching skills reflect your reputation as a parent?

Gozaburo: [glares] depends on whom I’m parenting.

Kuwabara: I think I’d rather date Byakko. [to Pegasus] What would you do?

Pegasus: Simple. What I had planned to do for my late wife.

Kuwabara: You were married...? [Pegasus nods.] ...I’m sorry.

Gozaburo: What about a little sympathy for me!? Noa didn’t exactly come out of thin air!

Mokuba: I was thinking you cloned him using your DNA.

Gozaburo: When I was born, they broke the mold.

Seto: And Heaven rejoiced at the knowledge that there could be only one of Kaiba Gozaburo.

Gozaburo: [glares at Seto] jury on earth would have convicted me....

Kuwabara: Pegasus...?

Pegasus: A morning picnic, with a tasteful glass of red wine. After which, I would be inspired to paint. I would have you pose nude....

Kuwabara: [blush] it too late for me to be Yukina-san’s forbidden lover?

Yusuke: Pick a man, Kuwabara!

Kuwabara: Urameshi! Don’t rush me. This isn’t exactly the best selection.... [to the bachelors] What would each of you say is your best selling point?

Keith: I’m under thirty, experienced. I play Duel Monsters. And I’m an American.

Gozaburo: I’m experienced, intelligent, wealthy, and resourceful--*

Seto: You can cut out the “wealthy” part. I own Kaiba Corporation now, remember?

Gozaburo: You own fifty-one percent. And that can easily change.... [looks towards Mokuba]

Seto: Stay away from my sister!

Pegasus: I’m fun, exciting-—never a dull moment with me. I created Duel Monsters, which has made me wealthier than most kings. I’m also an American.

Koto: Kuwabara, what’s your choice?

Kuwabara: Gozaburo’s probably a lot nicer than he lets on, but the child abuse rumors are too much. And Keith seems more like a guy I would hang out with as a friend than a soul mate. I’d have to go with Pegasus...unless I can marry Yukina-san instead?

Keith and Gozaburo: MARRIAGE?

Kuwabara: Yeah! I’m not a cheap one-night lay, you know!

Keith: Kuwa, baby; there’s three of us and over six billion of you. You have to share until the population ratio levels off.

Hiei: ...good thing I can impregnate myself now....

Koto: Anyway...that’s a vote for Pegasus!

= = =

Koto: As it stands now, we have two votes for Keith, ten for Pegasus, and Gozaburo is in the lead with eighty.

Keith: This is rigged. No way did he get all the Sailor Senshi.

Pegasus: At least you got Yamazaki Sakura from Blue Seed.

Gozaburo: Actually, I only have three of the Senshi. Mizuno’s still taking a test, and Tsukino chose Crawford.

Usagi: He has my Mamo-chan...Mamo-ko...I hate this scenario...!

Koto: comes our next contestant, Mizuno Ami!

= = =

Koto: Okay, Ami; ask a question.

Ami: What is the meaning of life?

Koto: ...

Keith: Sex.

Pegasus: Funny Rabbit.

Gozaburo: Marry me, you pretty fool.

Ami: ...I’ll become a nun.

Koto: Sorry. Religious celibacy has been temporarily outlawed due to the population crisis.

Ami: Meaning...?

Koto: It’s one of them, one of them, of them.

Gozaburo: You know you want me.

Ami: I’ve never met you—-any of you.

Keith: Choose me. I’ve only got Yamazaki and...Ghost. Besides, in addition to Duel Monsters, I can play a mean game of chess....

Ami: [eyes glisten] ...chess?

Pegasus: I...I can play checkers and mah-jongg!

Gozaburo: Aside from business, my best skill is chess.

Keith: Please, old man. A twelve-year old beat him!

Gozaburo: This from a man who had a nervous breakdown because he was beaten by a child at Duel Monsters.

Keith: [reveals gun]...I’ll just eliminate the competition right now—-starting with you!

Ami: It’s illegal to own firearms in Japan. Gozaburo wins by default.

Keith: W-what...?

Pegasus: You just lost.

Keith: NO! [curses]

Gozaburo: [to Ami] Trust me, my dear, you’ve made a wise choice.

= = =

Tenchi: Washu, have you found a cure yet?

Washu: Actually, there’s nothing to cure.

Ryoko and Ayeka: WHAT!?

Mihoshi: I don’t understand....

Kiyone: For once, neither do I.

Ryoko: Will you at least tell me why I’m married to a louse like Gozaburo, instead of my Tenchi?

Ayeka: Because Lord—-[clears throat] Lady Tenchi chose to marry him—-and she is MINE!

Washu: The explanation is quite simple....

Koto: Ladies, I really have to wrap this up....

= = =

Koto: For the final round, our panel of judges is helmed by the three most beautiful girls in Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Monsters....

Seto: The three ONLY women on our show who are legal in 2004....

Koto: ...and they’ve decided on a kissing contest! Gozaburo is currently still in the lead with 500 women, Keith has moved into second with 300, and Pegasus has the final 200 ladies. [shows scorecard] However, harem numbers only constitute one half of the overall score, so it’s still any bachelor’s game!

Mai: What did we decide to do again?

Anzu: We each have to kiss all three of them, then compare notes.

Mai: Must we?

Isis: My sister Malik won’t like this....

Koto: The judges have decided on ascending romaji order. [Anzu gulps]

:: Anzu, Isis, and Mai in turn each kiss Gozaburo first. Then Keith. Then Pegasus. ::

Koto: ...and now the judges confer....

Mai: Gozaburo showed surprising skill, and Keith wasn’t half bad—-but Pegasus! You were incredible with me. [raises four of hearts]

Anzu: Not with me. He was okay. Keith, you’re quite skilled. [raises five of hearts] Gozaburo has potential, but he’s too aggressive.

Isis: I thought Keith was a bit too rough—-perhaps if he shaved. Gozaburo was far too physical, possibly because he hasn’t touched a woman since his son was born. Pegasus, though you’ve suffered a similar loss, you don’t seem quite so desperate. I enjoyed kissing you. [raises four of hearts]

Koto: After tallying the seems that Pegasus has won in a major upset! 1000-point total. Keith comes in a strong second with an 800-point total, while Gozaburo rounds us off with the 500 points he had at the start of the round. [to Pegasus] What do you have to say, big winner?

Pegasus: It’s like that old nursery rhyme: you have a wife, but you can’t keep her without the romance.

Washu: CUT!

Director: I’M supposed to say that....

Washu: I just want a word with the producer. Who we know is...Author 7563! Come on out....

7563: Drat and doubledrat. I was just trying to have some fun before the real prologue.

Gozaburo: REAL prologue? You mean I don’t have a harem of five hundred women?

7563: If you did, none of them would be Seto....

Big 05: When do I figure into this?

7563: When you tell me what your function was in the Kaiba Corporation.

Big 05: ...I’ll get back to you on that. [crap-eating smile]

Big 01-04: [to Gozaburo and Seto] We told you BOTH he did nothing for the company! Nothing!

Noa: Didn’t I delete all five of you?

Washu: The answer to that lies in the real fanfic 7563’s cooking up.

7563: [mimics Nyasu/Meowth] “Nya-ba nya!”

:: end prolog 1 ::

* * * * * * * * *

Strangely, I’m half-glad; now I can convert this piece to HTML format to preserve some of my formatting. If the above did, however, violate FF.Net’s TOS, then I’ll gladly remove this piece; it’s just a funny stand-alone I wrote in part to clear my thoughts, and in part to clue in readers--in a joking way--to plot points of the story.

I didn’t collaborate on this or any other segments of this story arc, nor did I request collaboration via the review area of the site. Just reviews(and every writer on the site trolls for reviews--FF.Net would cease to exist if that was against the TOS).

While I could rewrite this first part of the piece into the standard “prose” format, that’d be too much effort expended given the nature of the piece. I’m just angry that parts 2-26 got chucked out, and my upload privileges suspended, for this one rather silly chapter.

I do wonder if I should just find another site to post fanfic on, or revamp my own site - - that I can format my fics however I wish.

I understand the reasons for the anti-MST/CYOA/chat/script/real actor inserts, and again, if this was really in violation, I didn’t realize it. But I’ll just suck it up and move on.

Mythos/DENSETSU will return. And with better formatting. I just hope it’ll be with FF.Net--until this, I’ve had a great time with them.

(c’mon, Xing--I think I removed Citrus Excursions on my own when the anti-NC17 ruling came out. And I can’t blame you for that--the Blue’s Clues lemons were just too much....)

Figures my newest story would get rejected. :p

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