Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Captain Planet is *not* my hero.

No. Just no.

No Captain Planet and the Planeteers movies, Hollywood: PLEASE.

A cheesy Hollywood movie based on good ideas can still entertain an audience (as the three Transformers films and numerous bad video game films have proven; the game films at least make for good snark bait, and there's an actual audience--like it or not--for the Bay films).

A cheesy movie on a rotten premise will just be BAD. Adolescents, without adult supervision, fly around in an advanced solar vehicle to save the environment. Surely there are better environmental film concepts than the environmental movement's BIBLEMAN.

Think for a moment: five teenagers with magic rings (based on the four classical elements and "heart") given to them by the deification of planet Earth, use said rings to summon a powerful golem superhero...who is weakened by dirty water, smoke, garbage, nuclear waste (which is the only one that makes sense for a superhero), or Hitler glaring at him. The writer coming on board to a putative CAPTAIN PLANET movie would have to keep Ted Turner far away in order to make it good; otherwise, any fans of CAPTAIN PLANET will get their equivalent of Battlefield Earth.

Okay: I concede that any idea, no matter how horrid, could theoretically make a good movie; that is to say, I agree with MovieBob that there isn't actually such a thing as a "bad" movie premise. Some ideas are just nigh-impossible to execute competently with the current focus-group controlled culture entrenched within Hollywood.

The series itself was mildly watchable, if a bit out of its depth regarding the issues it preached about (particularly the AIDS virus). The main reason this series receives my ire is that this dull, preachy show was considered good by Ted Turner; yet a show I--and scores of other people--loved and enjoyed, Swat Kats: The Radical Squadron, was cancelled by Mr. Turner because it depicted character deaths onscreen.

Mr. Turner is entitled to his opinion and beliefs. I'm also entitled to hate the idea of a Captain Planet movie--especially when there are better "save the environment" movies that have already been made.

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